I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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