When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
