I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
