u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
