You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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