I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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