I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
