Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
