Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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