my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sarcasm needs its own font
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And then my night got REAL pukey
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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