Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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