I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
