I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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