evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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