I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
