Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
