I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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