Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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