And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
