The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
