I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
