Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
look no pants
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
