I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
