I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
