Say something about gay babies.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You're like the curious george of whores
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
