Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
