Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
