I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
