my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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