The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
