Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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