i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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