why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sorry about my life...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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