You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
