I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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