You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's just like the Real World with babies
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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