Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
