Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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