My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
