dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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