it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize