Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
