you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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