at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
