I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
