It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
