I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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