I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
