I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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