If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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