you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
