Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
