He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You ate ashes out of my bong
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
