i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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