is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
