Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
