as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
