so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
