bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
