my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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