Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize