It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
