? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
