Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
