remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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