She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
