I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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