i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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