He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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