If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
