I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
