Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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