ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
