My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
