you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
