I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize