but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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