He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
