so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
