i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
