I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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