Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
