woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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