you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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