I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
