I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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