u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
