Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
