I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
