it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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