it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
