I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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